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The Unseen Battles of Love and Disorder

Updated: Apr 1

An Unapologetic Introduction

Welcome, spiritual warriors, to the frontier of my life’s odyssey. This is Brad M. Smith, founder of Sacred Sacraments, a Psychedelic Church nestled in the untamed landscapes of Montana. We’re kicking off a series that’s far from the ordinary – a chronicle that delves deep into the tumultuous realms of love entangled with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

This isn’t a saga for the faint-hearted or those ensnared in the trappings of societal pretense. We’re here to stir the pot, to shake the foundations of the status quo with raw, unvarnished truth. If you’re hunting for a sugar-coated narrative, you’re in the wrong wilderness.

A Journey Into the Heart of Darkness and Light

Nearly two decades ago, my life took an unexpected detour into a labyrinth of emotional chaos, orchestrated by partners battling BPD and NPD. This isn’t just my story; it’s a shared narrative of countless souls wrestling with invisible demons behind the veneer of a perfect life. BPD throws you into a cyclone of intense emotions, abandonment fears, and relationship turmoil, while NPD ensnares you in a web spun from a deep thirst for admiration, an empathy void, and an inflated self-worth.

These disorders are no mere quirks of character; they’re tempests that wreak havoc on the emotional and psychological well-being of everyone they touch. The journey is a harrowing trek through a minefield of manipulation, deceit, and a relentless cycle of idealization and devaluation, leaving scars that are invisible to the naked eye but profound in their depth.

The Facade Versus The Harrowing Reality

To the onlookers, my life was a picturesque scene straight out of a glossy magazine. Yet, beneath this carefully curated image lay a crumbling edifice, a family teetering on the brink of disintegration. We were actors in a play where the script was written in tears and silence, a world where the truth was shrouded in secrecy, leaving us gasping for air and understanding.

For too long, I navigated this murky terrain, lost in a fog of confusion and disconnection, not just from my partners but from the essence of who I was. The realization that something was profoundly amiss haunted my every step, a silent specter whispering truths I wasn’t ready to face.

The Awakening: A Pilgrimage Towards Healing

The veil began to lift in the most unexpected of sanctuaries – a Native American Church peyote ceremony. This pivotal moment heralded the commencement of an odyssey through sacred ceremonies, including psilocybin journeys and sweat lodges. Accompanied by the sagacious guidance of medicine people and the empathetic support of a therapist, I embarked on a quest for clarity and healing.

This voyage was no serene journey; it was a tumultuous ascent towards enlightenment, marked by moments of profound pain and introspection. Yet, it was a transformational path that allowed me to peel away the layers of despair and confusion that had enshrouded my being, revealing a horizon of hope and rebirth.

The Genesis of Insight

As we stand at the threshold of this series, I extend an invitation to you, my fellow travelers, to walk this path with me. This narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, a saga of pain, healing, and the rediscovery of self. It’s an exploration into the depths of our souls, guided by the illuminating power of psychedelics and the strength found within our shared experiences.

If your journey has been darkened by the shadow of a relationship marked by BPD or NPD, know this – you are not alone. There’s a path that leads out of the darkness, a journey towards understanding, healing, and the reclamation of your soul.

So, to the spiritual warriors, the seekers of truth, and the champions of the unseen battles – welcome. Your bravery in facing these tumultuous seas is the beacon that will guide this series. Let us embark on this journey together, unwavering in our resolve and unapologetic in our quest for truth. Let the exploration begin.

As we conclude this exploration of deep emotional landscapes and transformative journeys, let’s remember the path to healing is both personal and profound.

If my stories resonate with you, and you’re seeking guidance through your own challenges, know that you’re not alone. At Sacred Sacraments, we provide a sanctuary for those on the path of self-discovery and healing, using ancient wisdom and the healing power of nature.

For one-on-one consultations and facilitations, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can navigate the journey of healing and transformation.

Discover more at www.sacredsacraments.org.


Brad M. Smith - Founder

Church of Sacred Sacraments

May your journey lead you to peace and understanding.


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